i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Can I color on your dick again?
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
