TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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