needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
