Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
