Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
