OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
