would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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