got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
