You're my little dorito
I cannot find my penis.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
