thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
