i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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