His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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