Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
