my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
