At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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