happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
