I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
The dick lei will go down in squad history
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!