What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."