it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories