Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
These 21 People Shouldn’t Be Giving Dating Advice
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.