12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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