I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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