cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
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