i don't like sucking hair
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
