We won't sleep together?
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
