sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Found the puke drawer
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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