I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
