Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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