There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
