She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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