You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
