I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
