Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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