batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Randomize
