I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
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