i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
