APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
