He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
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