What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
