I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
