dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
