i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
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I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
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He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??