Texts From Last Night

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  (865): View more from Tennessee

  Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.

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  (865): Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand. http://tfl.nu/3nr4
  Replies (31) Good night (5101) Bad night (654)
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  (937): View more from Ohio

  just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window

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  (937): just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window http://tfl.nu/npzo
  Replies (8) Good night (3232) Bad night (649)
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  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"

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  (608): and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM" http://tfl.nu/3pco
  Replies (26) Good night (1661) Bad night (7406)
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  (250): View more from British Columbia

  They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am

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  (250): They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am http://tfl.nu/0rv3
  Replies (3) Good night (3261) Bad night (1166)
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  (319): View more from Iowa

  So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."

  (319): View more from Iowa

  Decisions, decisions.

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  (319): So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you." (319): Decisions, decisions. http://tfl.nu/1ou5
  Replies (46) Good night (8825) Bad night (1110)
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  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"

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  (403): Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters" http://tfl.nu/r2rb
  Replies (6) Good night (2582) Bad night (1338)
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  (312): View more from Illinois

  Are you in a cab?

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?

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  (312): Are you in a cab? (908): I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka? http://tfl.nu/9mwy
  Replies (3) Good night (2503) Bad night (890)
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified

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  (603): More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified http://tfl.nu/si7g
  Replies (5) Good night (1524) Bad night (618)
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  (805): View more from California

  You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!

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  (805): You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius! http://tfl.nu/013j
  Replies (6) Good night (801) Bad night (1470)
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  (585): View more from New York

  Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together

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  (585): Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together http://tfl.nu/f7yy
  Replies (3) Good night (1026) Bad night (393)
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.

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  (609): i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen. http://tfl.nu/t0rk
  Replies (2) Good night (980) Bad night (1140)
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  (914): View more from New York

  THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED

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  (914): THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED http://tfl.nu/eqdp
  Replies (6) Good night (1555) Bad night (325)
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  (916): View more from California

  Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.

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  (916): Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now. http://tfl.nu/po20
  Replies (0) Good night (291) Bad night (563)
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  (616): View more from Michigan

  That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt

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  (616): That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt http://tfl.nu/2m8h
  Replies (1) Good night (412) Bad night (318)
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  (260): View more from Indiana

  Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.

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  (260): Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message. http://tfl.nu/4llk
  Replies (1) Good night (603) Bad night (213)

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