Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(781): View more from Massachusetts

i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.

(1-781): View more from Massachusetts

didn't that happen to you last weekend?

(781): View more from Massachusetts

shut up.

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(509): View more from Washington

I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...

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(518): View more from New York

She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.

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19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
Read it at the TFLN blog
(617): View more from Massachusetts

I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...

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(303): View more from Colorado

stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.

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(734): View more from Michigan

Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.

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(305): View more from Florida

I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.

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(306): View more from Saskatchewan

Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??

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