I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
