We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum