If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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