I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
