actually, I'm a sock model
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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