Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
