I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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