2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
