Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
