you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
