You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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