P.S. I can't hear my feet
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Randomize
