i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
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