I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
