My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
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