It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
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...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
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Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
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