Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
