Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
