Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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