guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
