how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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