dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
