I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
