i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
