I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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