She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
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