rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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