you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
