That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
