My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
