youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
