I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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