dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
