Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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