I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
