NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Randomize
