So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
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