They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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