Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
