Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
