Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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