Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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