this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
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