Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I just gift wrapped bread.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
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