I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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